No Ambition

“You? Throwing a tantrum?” Su Yan gave Qin Qingyan a once-over in disbelief. “Nice. You’ve finally got some backbone.”

Qin Qingyan said, “It’s not really a tantrum. It’s just that she always likes to push me away, and that makes me uncomfortable. It feels like after all this time, I’m still an outsider to her.”

In the living room, Su Yan grabbed another handful of pine nuts, eating them as she shook her head.

Qin Qingyan frowned and snatched the pine nuts from her hand.

“Hey! There’s a whole bowl if you want some.”

“What’s with the head-shaking?”

Su Yan folded her legs beneath her and swayed slightly. “So what are you planning to do now? Let me hear the brilliant plan of Qin the big star. Maybe I can copy it sometime.”

Qin Qingyan thought for a moment. “Show up less, respond less... just appear now and then. Other than cooking and giving her a regular leg massage, I won’t let her see me. I’ll let—”

“Let her come looking for you, realize she needs you, and then understand she can’t do without you, right?” Su Yan finished for her.

After a pause, Qin Qingyan nodded. “More or less.”

“I don’t think that’ll work.”

“Why not?”

Su Yan ticked them off on her fingers one by one. “Let me do the math. You went back to Jingsheng yesterday around five in the afternoon. Cooking and massaging her can’t take long, right? An hour or two, tops. But what time did you get back last night? Nine o’clock. I’m even being generous and leaving out forty minutes; it was practically ten. Your ‘showing up now and then’ is way too frequent.”

Qin Qingyan peeled open a pine nut and ate it without a word. After a long while, she finally came up with an excuse. “Yan Yue injured her leg. I had to keep her company.”

Su Yan: “...”

That was harder than getting an endorsement pulled.

“Patients are usually sensitive. Think about it; someone like President Yan, who’s so strong-willed, even if you don’t go looking for her for three or four months, she still might not realize how important you are. She’s busy with work. Who’s got the mind to think about romance when they’re busy to the point of seeing stars? So you have to take advantage of the present; strike while she’s weak,” Su Yan said. “Of course, you have to keep your distance too, or you might end up her ex.”

Qin Qingyan fell into thought. Of course she knew that.

Su Yan didn’t interrupt her; only the occasional crackle of pine nuts being shelled sounded in the living room.

“Oh, and there’s one more very important point.”

Qin Qingyan asked, “What?”

“For the sake of our old friendship, don’t mention to President Yan that I had a hand in this. Thanks.”

In the residential complex, a mother and son got out of the elevator and were about to take out the trash when they spotted a young woman rummaging around near the bins from a distance.

Very soon, the woman tucked what she found into her arms, tightened the scarf covering her face, and hurried away.

Once she got in the elevator, thank goodness no one was there.

After stepping out, Bai Ruo quickly entered her home and shut the door, her heart still racing from nerves. It should have been empty around this hour; the information had been wrong, but luckily the scarf had covered her face.

Thinking about it, she suddenly felt justified and casually tossed the scarf onto the sofa.

What was there to worry about? So what if someone recognized her? Anyone could throw away the wrong trash. There was no need to hide it.

The document bag was still fairly clean. Bai Ruo stared at it quietly for a long time, but didn’t open it.

She didn’t even understand why she’d gone to retrieve it; she’d spent the whole night unable to sleep because of it. When she saw it still lying intact in the trash bin, she’d actually felt a huge sense of relief.

Open it? Or not?

Just as she was hesitating, her phone suddenly rang. Bai Ruo jumped and picked it up; it was Li Xian.

Answer? Or not?

If she answered, it would probably just be the usual polite small talk, or another invitation to dinner. If she didn’t, nothing would happen; she’d just enjoy the peace and quiet.

Her finger hovered over the red icon, yet she hesitated.

Before Bai Ruo could think it through, the ringtone stopped. The living room returned to silence.

How useless of her; what was there to agonize over with one phone call? Yet another voice rose in her heart at the same time, telling her that she missed Li Xian; no matter what, she couldn’t let her go.

After realizing she’d had that thought, Bai Ruo raised her right hand and slapped her own face, looking as though she was furious with herself for being so spineless.

“Where’s your backbone? Someone treats you like dirt, and you still want to treat her like treasure? She doesn’t love you; at most, you’re just comfort during a dry spell. Don’t think so highly of yourself.”

After a round of self-talk, Bai Ruo finally calmed down.

The one thing people must never do was cheapen themselves.

She smiled as she shoved the document bag into the drawer beneath the coffee table, clapped her hands, and was about to tidy herself up beautifully before going to chat with Qin Qingyan and the others.

The phone rang again.

Still Li Xian.

With a serious expression, Bai Ruo stared at that string of numbers for a long time before finally answering.

But the voice that came over the line wasn’t Li Xian’s.

At the hospital, Bai Ruo sat stiffly by the bedside with a dark face, looking impatient. The doctor and Li Xian were colleagues; after exchanging a few light words, the doctor left.

Li Xian lay on the hospital bed, her face a little pale, looking at Bai Ruo with apology in her eyes.

“Sorry. I didn’t expect to call you.”

Bai Ruo glanced at her, then quickly looked away. “What happened?”

“Stress on the fetus.”

“I know that. How did it happen?”

“Someone was driving and not paying attention. It should have been drunk driving,” Li Xian said softly, looking at her.

“No charges?” Bai Ruo’s tone softened.

“The traffic police are handling it.”

The atmosphere turned a little strange. Bai Ruo could feel a gaze lingering on her the entire time, and it made her very uncomfortable.

“I still have—”

“I’m thirsty. Can you pour me a glass of water?” Li Xian interrupted before Bai Ruo could leave.

Bai Ruo took a deep breath. The other woman was pregnant; pregnant.

She got up and poured a glass of water, then realized something and poured it out again, refilling it with warm water. Li Xian watched all this, feeling both touched and bitter.

When Bai Ruo handed it over, Li Xian’s fingers brushed the back of her hand on purpose or by accident. Ignoring Bai Ruo’s uneasy expression, she took small sips.

Where neither of them could see, Bai Ruo’s thumb rubbed the spot where Li Xian had touched her. It itched; her hand itched, and so did her heart.

“Are you busy today?” Li Xian asked.

Bai Ruo said coldly, “No.”

“Then stay with me for a while, okay?”

Bai Ruo pressed her lips together.

She knew better than anyone that in the past, the thing she’d found hardest to resist was Li Xian showing weakness in front of her, let alone with such a slightly soft tone. If this had been years ago, Bai Ruo would have agreed to do anything she asked.

When Li Xian’s father and Li Xian’s mother heard their daughter had been in an accident, they immediately dropped what they were doing and rushed to the hospital. The moment they came in and started speaking worriedly, they saw Bai Ruo, of all people, actually there.

Had they made up?

Li Xian’s mother was thrilled. It seemed that document had actually been useful; if she’d known, she should’ve sent it over sooner. Then there wouldn’t have been all that roundabout trouble.

“Ah Ruo’s here? Good thing you’re looking after Ah Li. Then we don’t have to worry, rushing over in such a panic. Honestly, Ah Li, why didn’t you say so earlier?”

Li Xian looked oddly at her mother, then strangely at Bai Ruo.

Why did their relationship seem closer to Bai Ruo than to her?

Bai Ruo frowned, not understanding Li Xian’s mother’s baffling speech.

Li Xian’s father saw something was off. He coughed a few times and nudged his wife with his elbow, but Li Xian’s mother didn’t notice at all and even impatiently shook off his hand.

“That’s what I’m saying. There’s no misunderstanding that can’t be resolved. If there’s a problem, solve the problem; if there isn’t, then just be happy together.” Li Xian’s mother stepped forward, taking Bai Ruo’s hand in one and Li Xian’s in the other, placing both of their hands together in her own palm with a deeply moved expression.

Li Xian took the chance to hold Bai Ruo’s hand; she wasn’t going to miss this opportunity.

Bai Ruo didn’t pull away, her expression complicated.

Li Xian’s mother kept talking for a long time, giving them a long list of things to pay attention to, and finally left them with a few words about getting along well before leaving with Li Xian’s father.

The moment the ward door closed, Li Xian’s father glanced back inside and said in a lowered voice, “What part of that looked like they’d made up? They weren’t even a little clingy; they were being so polite it was like they were strangers.”

Li Xian’s mother rolled her eyes at him as they walked. “You think I don’t know that?”

Bai Ruo tried to pull her hand back, but Li Xian held on tightly.

“Let go.”

“Are you leaving?”

“What else? Why would I stay here? Is there something wrong with your brain?” Bai Ruo said.

Li Xian said, “You still have me in your heart, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have come, and you’d have explained things clearly just now.”

“Yes. Not only do I have you; I’ve also got Zhang Xian, Wang Xian, and Li Xian in my heart. Is that enough?”

Li Xian said nothing and let go.

Losing the warmth in her palm, a wave of cold instantly swept over the back of Bai Ruo’s hand. Looking at Li Xian, Bai Ruo felt prickles of pain in her heart, and her nose turned faintly sour. She was the one who’d been hurt; seeing Li Xian in pain should have made her feel satisfaction, so why was she hurting too?

Before leaving, Bai Ruo said, “Li Xian, you can’t hurt someone just because they love you, no matter what your reasons are.”

The moment the ward door closed, Li Xian’s eyes reddened. Regret, self-reproach, helplessness; all of it surged at her from every direction, wrapping around her tightly until she could barely breathe.

“Ah!”

A dull pain flickered in her abdomen. She couldn’t let her emotions run wild anymore. After taking a deep breath, she finally steadied herself. Tears also slipped from the corners of her eyes without her noticing.

Su Yan didn’t have much stuff; one suitcase was enough.

After Bai Ruo heard about it, she shamelessly came up with the excuse of taking care of Yan Yue and moved her luggage to Jingsheng as well.

Yan Yue naturally didn’t mind. More people around wasn’t a bad thing; besides, with Bai Ruo moving in, she would also have something to do.

“Qingyan-jie, you can rest easy. With the two of us taking care of President Yan, she’ll eat well, sleep well, and there won’t be the slightest problem. You just focus on your work,” Su Yan said grandly.

Qin Qingyan naturally was at ease; if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have let them move in.

It was just that dinner was already done, Yan Yue’s leg rehabilitation was finished, and it was time for her to go.

What kind of excuse could she come up with to stay a little longer?

Yan Yue looked at Qin Qingyan’s troubled face with amusement and didn’t point out her little schemes. Instead, she looked at Su Yan. “Su Su, what time is it now?”

“Almost seven-thirty.”

Bai Ruo said solemnly, “It’s already this late? Then Qingyan, you really should head back. The weather forecast said it’s going to pour in a bit, and the roads won’t be safe.”

Qin Qingyan said, “It’s fine, I—”

“Safety comes first. Don’t delay, Qingyan-jie,” Su Yan said, trotting over to open the door.

Qin Qingyan looked at Yan Yue. Yan Yue met her gaze, lifted a brow, and looked away as if she saw nothing.

Sighing inwardly, Qin Qingyan somehow felt as if she were the one being kicked out.

Not long after Qin Qingyan returned home, a picture was sent in the group chat: the three of them were sitting together playing cards, facing the camera, each smiling brightly.

Qin Qingyan sent back a disdainful emoji.

She enlarged the picture with two fingers and stared at Yan Yue’s smiling face. Then Qin Qingyan smiled softly, and the heaviness in her chest instantly dissolved.

That was fine too.