Accepting Rehabilitation

All through the night, the ward was punctuated from time to time by muffled coughs; only around two or three in the morning did those sounds finally give way to steady breathing. Yan Yue stayed awake, listening the entire time.

The next morning, Qin Qingyan went to prepare breakfast as usual, but Yan Yue called her back.

“Qin Qingyan,” Yan Yue said, looking at her tired face, “help me contact that expert you mentioned.”

Qin Qingyan stared at her in disbelief; her eyes quickly grew hot, and even her body seemed to tremble slightly. “Okay.”

At the rehabilitation center, an experienced doctor lifted Yan Yue’s calf and moved it back and forth. Qin Qingyan stood beside the wheelchair, carefully memorizing every motion the doctor made.

“Move it like this every day; be patient. Your condition isn’t the worst, so there’s still hope for rehabilitation,” the doctor said.

“When you have time, you should take her out for some fresh air; that will also help with recovery.” He said this to Qin Qingyan.

Qin Qingyan nodded to show she understood.

After seeing the doctor off, Qin Qingyan went to the bed and imitated the movements he had just made, flexing Yan Yue’s leg back and forth and kneading it from time to time.

Yan Yue stared at her for a long while. “The doctor just finished, and you’re already at it?”

“The best way to remember is by doing,” Qin Qingyan said. “As long as there’s a little time every day, I’ll help you work it through.”

Yan Yue didn’t say anything more. Leaning against the bed, she watched her legs rise and fall again and again.

Qin Qingyan’s movements were careful, her expression taut with concentration, as if what she was massaging were some fragile, priceless treasure. The whole process took nearly half an hour. When it was over, she gently lowered Yan Yue’s insensate leg and let out a soft breath.

When the weather was good, Qin Qingyan enjoyed pushing Yan Yue downstairs for a walk, letting her feel the breeze, soak up the sun, and breathe some fresh air.

Yan Yue’s mood did indeed improve quite a bit. Looking back on how resistant she had been to rehabilitation a few days earlier, she realized that beyond not wanting to delay Qin Qingyan, she had also been afraid; afraid all this time would be wasted, afraid she would fall back into the abyss once more.

Fortunately, Qin Qingyan had pulled her back out, and the rehabilitation process was not as repulsive as she had imagined.

She had not placed much hope in it, but over these past few days, Yan Yue became certain of one thing; it was also this one thing that made her indifferent to whether the final result would be good or bad.

As long as she was willing, Qin Qingyan would always be her legs.

“Qin Qingyan,” Yan Yue said, turning her head back slightly, “I’m thirsty.”

Qin Qingyan suddenly smiled. “Okay.”

The moment Yan Yue spoke, a very strange feeling flickered through Qin Qingyan’s heart. She couldn’t say exactly what it was, but it felt good.

There was a vending machine not far away. Qin Qingyan pushed Yan Yue to a shaded spot, ran over, and soon came back.

She twisted open the cap and handed it over. Yan Yue caught sight of the other bottle of drinks in Qin Qingyan’s hand and said nothing. After taking a few sips, she asked, “A drink?”

“Mm? Oh, yes.” Qin Qingyan seemed to understand what she meant only then and said with a smile, “Want some?”

“Not really. Just average.” Yan Yue looked away.

Qin Qingyan let out a soft laugh. Warmth spread through her chest for no reason at all, and she let Yan Yue have a small sip. Yan Yue settled back against the wheelchair with satisfaction.

Not long after, they spotted a familiar figure.

Bai Ruo waved from far away. When she saw them, she immediately broke into a jog.

As she drew near, she held out the fruit in her hands. “Fresh, sweet, and I picked it myself. Take it back and try it; there’s no way it could get a bad review.”

“Sure. A celebrity’s fruit; we definitely can’t miss it.” Qin Qingyan took it.

“Celebrity, my foot. Qingyan, you’re about to become the next Best Actress. If I ever fall on hard times, I’ll take photos with you every day and ride your traffic.” Bai Ruo said.

“Fine. I’ll make sure to prop you up,” Qin Qingyan said, tightening her grip on the wheelchair handle.

Best Actress…

The smile slowly faded, and no one noticed.

The few of them hadn’t talked for long when, in the middle of their laughing and chatting, Yan Yue’s gaze suddenly froze. The other two instinctively turned to look as well, still smiling.

Qin Qingyan and Yan Yue almost simultaneously looked at Bai Ruo. Bai Ruo’s mouth was still curved upward, but the smile was gone.

Li Xian’s eyes were fixed on Bai Ruo from the moment she saw her. Yet the instant their gazes met, aside from an uncontrollable rush of excitement, she actually looked away on her own and didn’t dare keep staring.

“All right, remember to give my fruit a good review. I still have things to do, so I’ll go first,” Bai Ruo said.

Someone stopped her; it was Yan Yue.

“Qingyan still has something to discuss with Li Xian. Would the big star do me a favor and take me upstairs?” Yan Yue said with a smile.

Li Xian walked to Qin Qingyan’s side, and the two of them watched the pair leave together.

“Because of Bai Ruo, I really couldn’t understand you before. But now, rather than never speaking again for the rest of our lives, I’d rather you two sit down and have a proper talk. After all, you’ve walked together for so many years; that isn’t easy.”

Li Xian sat down. Ever since she got pregnant, it felt as if all her bodily functions had gone downhill.

“Of course I want to. But putting aside whether Aruo is willing to forgive me, I even feel like I’m not worthy of her anymore,” Li Xian said. “So whether the ending between us is good or bad doesn’t matter. What matters is that I want her to be happy forever.”

The leaves swayed, casting mottled patches of light and shadow on the ground. Qin Qingyan bent down to pick up a green leaf blown off by the wind and turned it over in her fingers.

“I’m a lot more selfish. Yan Yue can only have me. Or rather, if love could be made visible and compared, I wouldn’t lose to anyone, because I’m sure I can do a good enough job; that’s why I can’t trust her to anyone but myself.” Qin Qingyan said. She paused, then turned to look at Li Xian. “But actually, I think you’re more mature than I am.”

Li Xian shook her head with a bitter smile. “Is that so? Yet I think I’m terribly timid.”

The two of them looked up at the cloudless sky, each lost in their own thoughts.

Bai Ruo pushed Yan Yue into the elevator. The elevator held only the two of them.

She glanced at Yan Yue several times, understanding that Yan Yue wanted to say something to her. But Yan Yue still didn’t speak.

“President Yan, did you want to say something to me?” Bai Ruo finally asked.

“I do have something to say, but thinking it over, you may not be willing to hear it,” Yan Yue said.

“Is it about… her?”

“Mm. So do you want to hear it?” Yan Yue asked. “You and Li Xian have been together for so many years; your feelings run deep. Maybe after hearing it, you’ll have a different view of some of the things happening now.”

Bai Ruo didn’t respond.

Yan Yue knew she wasn’t rejecting it. That wasn’t rejection, and that was enough.

The elevator bell sounded. Bai Ruo pushed her out, and there were not many people coming and going in the hallway.

Back in the ward, Yan Yue thanked her.

“Qin Qingyan’s already on her way back. You can go ahead and deal with your own things first,” Yan Yue said.

Bai Ruo said, “It’s fine. I’ll wait until Qingyan gets here before I leave.”

Yan Yue smiled. “If you leave now, you might run into Li Xian. You two probably have things you need to say to each other, don’t you?”

“I…”

“Don’t worry. I’m not short on these few minutes, but you need them,” Yan Yue said.

Bai Ruo left the ward, then quickened her steps and jogged to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button and anxiously watching the floor numbers.

At last, she waited until it arrived. As the elevator descended, Yan Yue’s words from earlier echoed in her mind.

[“I did think about it; if I could do everything over again, would I still push Qin Qingyan away? The answer is yes, I would. Qin Qingyan is more precious to me than my legs. So right now, I’m not trying to force you to make up no matter what. I’m just saying you might want to imagine whether a future with Li Xian is worth setting aside your current grudge and speaking to her openly one more time. The choice is yours.”]

By the time she reached the first floor, she practically rushed out. But after only a few steps, she slowed again, searching all around for that familiar figure.

It wasn’t until she was about to leave the hospital doors that a voice she knew well, and had not heard in a long time, stopped her.

“Aruo.”

She turned back. Li Xian was standing there quietly, as if she had already been waiting for a long time.

Bai Ruo’s body reacted fiercely; she wanted nothing more than to rush forward and hug Li Xian. That was something she wanted, something she had longed for for a very long time.

But she could only stand where she was and pretend not to care.

Li Xian took the first step and came closer. “Aruo… I… can we have a meal together?”

Bai Ruo looked at her face. She had grown thinner, more haggard. “Okay.”

A future with Li Xian; she was willing to gamble on it one more time. It was the only time, and the last.

On the table, most of the dishes were light; only one had a little more chili. Li Xian’s eyes flickered. All these dishes had been ordered by Bai Ruo. She knew Bai Ruo liked spicy food; the more intense it was, the more she liked it.

But now…

The two of them ate in silence, and the only sound in the private room was the clinking of bowls and chopsticks.

Li Xian suddenly frowned; soon she could no longer hold it back. “Sorry.” She covered her mouth and rushed to the restroom nearby.

The sound of vomiting was unmistakable and reached Bai Ruo’s ears. Bai Ruo’s expression darkened. She put down her chopsticks and lost her appetite as well. It was only then, as if she had just remembered, that Li Xian was carrying a child; a man’s child.

In that instant, Bai Ruo wanted to run away. She couldn’t persuade herself not to mind.

After the faucet was turned off, Li Xian dragged her heavy steps back, bracing herself against the doorway and resting for a long while before returning to her seat.

Bai Ruo: “Can’t eat?”

Li Xian: “Mm. I rarely have much of an appetite.”

Bai Ruo nodded, took out a tissue, and wiped her mouth. “Perfect. I can’t eat either. Then let’s go.”

“Aruo!” Seeing her stand up, Li Xian hurriedly got to her feet and stopped her. “Can we talk?”

Bai Ruo stared at Li Xian’s somewhat pale face for a long while, then slowly moved her gaze to her stomach. There was still nothing visible there, but in a few months, it would be different.

“Not now.” Today, she didn’t want to hear any of Li Xian’s reasons or hardships.

“All right, then in a few days. I’ll drive you back,” Li Xian said.

This time, Bai Ruo did not refuse.

In the car, the two of them still didn’t say much. Maybe because she was pregnant, or maybe for some other reason; in any case, the car moved smoothly and slowly.

“Do you… still live in the same place?” Li Xian asked.

“I moved,” Bai Ruo said. “Turn left; you can park over by the plaza.”

Li Xian glanced at her. “Okay.” She understood that Bai Ruo did not want her to know where she lived.

When they arrived, Bai Ruo thanked her, got out of the car, and walked into the crowd without looking back. Li Xian watched her go until she disappeared.